That pretty bitter set of words that made up my last post, I have tried a more hopefully practical approach to merge the world of my vindictive self-righteous anger and my spirit - I have just recorded an emotional outpouring (this does bring tears to my eyes as I think and live this out) and here it is on You Tube..
Trying to Forgive:
I live in the present, but my heart's stuck in the past
I want on to move on now, but the page keeps turning back
Know you couldn't help it, but I still feel how much it hurts
I'm hunched banck, trying to stand tall, but I keep sinking into the dirt
Know maybe it's karma, but I still feel the tears of my cries
I'm suggesting lets' all come clean, they still say I made it up, it's all lies
I know you're gonna do what you do, you won't admit or apologize
But I couldn't live the life you dreamed for me, no matter how hard I tried
Lord I'm trying to forgive them, but this wound doesn't seem to heal
I want to say that I love them, but I know that's not what I feel
Goddess give me the strengh now, to live not in anger but love
These demons got a hold of my heart, let them go, let me rise above
Let my heart merge with my spirit, let me break free from yesterday
Let my heart decide her own course, no matter what they do or they say
Let the life be lived by my spirit, won't you heal this sick angry soul
I accept whatever has to be, I embrace what I can't control
Growing up in a house of hatred, in a void of crippled souls
Screaming lashing out was a way of life, to beat you down into their mould
They didn't know how to be any other way, they couldn't provide for themselves
So of course it was no big surprise, that they couldn't care for anyone else
Even when I broke free to my own life, they've invaded, so critically
Picking apart my life, my work, and the bride I've chosen for me
The further I distance myself from them, the better I start to feel
But at some point they're awaiting, in attack to pick apart my shield
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