Oh demon alcohol

Oh demon alcohol,Sad memories I cannot recall,

Who thought I would say,Damn it all and blow it all,

Oh demon alcohol,Memories I cannot recall,

Who thought I would fall a slave to demon alcohol

Lines by Ray Davies

This is what my backyard fence now looks like courtesy of the latest windstorm. This is the time of year that everyone gets together for holiday parties. Alcohol is the focus of many of these parties. I am not one to judge, but I stopped drinking years ago after it started to make me sick. I have an addictive personality. I can't imagine a life without chocolate or some kind of sexual activity, whether that activity happens with or without another person. So for those that I know that are - let's come out and say it - addicts - slaves to alcohol, I am not one to condemn or judge since I am far from free from my own addictions. Still - I always notice that the reason I am not entirely comfortable around a group of drinkers is it creates another me vs. them situation. You know the old saying - you are either with us or against us - by that silent act of not participating there is already a difference set. So this time of year when the invites to parties start piling up - like there are so many I don't know what to do with (all 3 of them) I start finding excuses why not to go because it is hard to relate to a group of drinkers when you aren't one of them. Sure I have had my fun times - slamming away on an out of tune guitar until all the strings broke one by one - screaming out singing until my voice got hoarse - I had my moments, but I feel like those were my kiddie days in some ways now. Any addiction serves one purpose - it gets you to avoid a painful side of yourself you don't want to face. Once I go long enough without sex - as defined as the act involving two people, those feelings emerge. With sex I think there is a line between abstaining - which is necessary at times - and partaking - which for the sake of a relationship's survival - is also necessary at times - and every couple has to figure out what works for them. With alcohol though it seems like a much greater and more destructive force, not only because what it does to the body - the liver and the brain - but what it also does to the psyche. It seems like it creates a vampiric state of existence where you are either living for the thrill of being high or recovering in a drained burned out state. Off and on - and in avoiding the pain that you medicate yourself with, you get further and further from yourself - knowing who you really are, really knowing your scars. So again - I am not one to state how one deals with their wounds and their pain - I just know it is difficult for me to be around chronic drinkers because their pain is so openly advertised in the thin disguise of intoxicated pleasure. Party on.