Letting go

I like to think my thought process is a work in process and moves toward something positive. I hope so anyways. So in the wake of what may have looked like a very negative and angry post, (my last one), a song was born that is a lot more positive and has been up on You Tube for a week or so. It was born, not just from the last writing, but also from doing a little meditation group here in Dayton, and last time I actually sang a love song I wrote for Victoria (the one thanking her for being in my life) and my song for Sara for a small group of people outside my family, and I came back and just started thinking about living in the present and how much of a drag it is to keep reliving the past. My thoughts are - you can't run away and just act like something tragic was wonderful - because that is denial and then you start turning into a cheerleader - and as much as I'd like to be a cheerleader, it's not who I am. But I do think once the thoughts have been faced there is some point to at least attempt to put it to rest. Maybe it can't be done completely, but as I've said before, most of my songwriting these days is about striving for a sweeter way of life by describing it first in song, in the hopes that singing it enough can convert a bleak reality into a nicer one. I know it works and I think it is why overall I am happier now than I've ever been, despite all my lurking demons. So this song was brought upon by two different past entities - one being my mother who I've seen as the tormenting wicked witch who reaked havoc on my psyche, and the other being my younger brother, who basically saw me the same way I see her. It is not necesarily about forgiveness - it sounds great in concept, but a lot harder to do - especially when the person in question continues to have a negative impact on my marriage. It is more of an exercise to realize that you don't necessarily have to think about someone who is not there, the damage has been done and at some point enough is enough and there's a conscious choice in whether or not to continue to relive it. These are the words, and my You Tube site has the video:


It's over...9-8-08

Whatever has happened, isn't happening now, I've beaten it to death, beaten it into the ground, It's over, and I'm burying it now.

No matter who I've wronged, no matter who has wronged me, There are so many rapturous beautiful sights to see, but I can't see them, when I'm stuck in the past.

So righteously angry when I'm stuck in past times But how many times will I return to the scene of the crime, Or can I just let it pass.

I'm not who I was, you're not who you once were. I once saw a wicked witch, but now I just see a frightened little girl, We're all someone else now...

CHORUS...It's gone, it's gone, it's done - it's a sailing away.
..It's done, it's done, it's in the past it not now, not today....

I'm digging me a hole, six feet deep in the ground, A place she can rest, a place where I can set her down. A place for ashes and dust.

I've cried, I've screamed, I've tried to hurt myself. I've blamed myself so many times, I've even blamed someone else, My blame is buried in the grave.

Cus nobody could stop what destiny made to come, It's gone in the coffin, as of now I'm saying it's done, May my anger rest in peace.

Love is the only place that's now left behind, The hatred the anger is exiting my mind, Hate is death it's the past, only love can be now.