Brokedown Palace

Goin to leave this Broke-down Palace

On my hands and my knees I will roll roll roll

Make myself a bed by the waterside

In my time - in my time - I will roll roll roll
In a bed, in a bed by the waterside I will lay my head

Listen to the river sing sweet songsto rock my soul

Ollabelle is one of my favorite recent groups so to see them doing their cover of this song at this highly emotional point in my life was just bringing tears running down my face as I watched it.

God damn why does life have to be so hard? I know I'm lucky to have a job when many are losing their houses and starving, and it's not that I am not grateful, but it's enough to take on this time of year when the daylight is nearly cut in half over the peak time of year for me, but to take on the seemingly insurmountable obstacles of my marriage on top of it almost seems too much. I know some were speculating that my younger brother was on the verge of a divorce after his wife was absentee on the Love Boat, but are we the ones who are really heading there? I chose a recommended therapist for our latest wave of counseling, and after the first session with my wife this lady is strongly urging her to consider separation. I also saw this lady and she seemed pretty solid to me - so here is the recommended diagnosis and is that where we are headed? It seems pretty darn bleak and I didn't sleep much last night. I ended up staying up with Victoria and holding her and she had me laughing - once again - and in some ways she is my best and closest friend, and yet sex has a way of fucking everything up because you can't just make it go away. This year my desire has been down, but sometimes it comes back and the counselor told V that if she goes through with it without really enjoying it she is a prostitute who is betraying herself. So maybe that is the case and if that is then how can that issue possibly be resolved? It may have diminished, but I have a sex drive and I do desire love - even if it is not constant - I can't live a brother sister life with someone I have a desire for. I was hoping another wave of counseling would turn us around the way it once did a few years back, and instead we are already talking about separating. I am one of those impossible optimists and even though sometimes it is hard to get through the day without tears streaming down my face and the heaviest of hearts, I still believe we belong together and can work this out - even if we have to separate to figure that out. As far as the answer to our sex struggles, I just don't know what it is but there has to be one somewhere. All in all - a pretty depressing situation and sometimes I just don't know how I even deal with this or get through it.