All we need is music, sweet music, there'll be music everywhere

So now that I got my bitching about the ass-holes in my life out of the way, I am going to tell you what it is all about here really. It is all about reaching out to the great spirit. Some who are skeptical may say no great spirit exists. I know for a fact SHE exists, the question to me is where. I know I have a spiritual side - that I feel a magic when the day starts to approach sunset, or the rays hit the local mountain in the early portion of the day. So there is already a spirit in my heart. So of course, the religious among us say that the spirt is a link to god, the atheists say it is a function of neurons producing a biological image. I am reading a book by the Dalai Lama about science and religion, and although he has a great respect and admiration for science and does not try to outright dispute it the way a lot of idiot Christian fundamentalists do, he also says it leaves a lot unexplained - including consciousness itself. You all know my side - I think science is a great vehicle, a great tool, and it is like explaining the mechanics of the car without talking about the one getting behind the wheel. I am leaning to the spiritual as a real life deal just because my intuition and faith says it is real. Scienitifically, I know it is a leap of faith and obviously I am willing to reconsider. But I believe the spirit is the real deal and really can't explain it any further than that. I think the spirit is an essential to life - just as essential as food, water, sleep and clothing. The other day I saw a dude at the gas station with a few Budweisers in hand - and I could see a construction worker after a long day looking forward to downing a few cold ones and reaching out to his spirit that way. I guess whatever works - personally I have gone that road and the hangovers and body destruction gets old after a while.

Really playing music - even with my technical limitations - means you really feel what you play. It is a form of meditation, exploration - and some times a way of reaching out to a lot of hurt, rejection, anger and sadness - like in "da blues". But for me when it is really working, it is a way of bringing out an end to a craving of something outside - like a beautiful woman to make all of your romantic and sexual dreams come true - and arriving to that state you would be in if that woman was physically on top of you fucking your god dam brains out - and just getting right to that place. That is what I got at when I put together a song called There's Only Love - which I also have as a video out there on a My Space page - it is a way of meditating on being there already without needing another vehicle - drugs, sex, an object of any kind - just getting there through pure imagination - imagining you are there and then willing yourself to be there. Once you get there - and I visit quite often - all of a sudden the notion of needing something outside of you seems less important, because you see it is all fucking there already if you want it to be. You know - believe it and it will come true. Without love in the dream it'll never come true - BUT - if you have Love IN the Dream than it is a thin line between dreams and life itself - life is a dream and you can navigate the dream to the place you want it to be while in a conscious state. So when I am really feeling the music - guitar in hand - voice coming out - leaning over, hunched over in what seems like a state of tripping but it is really tripping on my own mind - I am living the sweetest dream and I am already at the place we strive to be.

I know Buddhism talks about meditating to feel nothing - well fuck that - I want to feel something and I want to feel something good! Granted I can't always get there - it is a real bitch to try when there is 9 hours of daylight and I am down and out - but a lot of the time I can get there and it is pretty phucking wonderful to be there I must say. I can't necessarily carry it over to the rest of the day - though I try - but having that place to go to is a real refuge of beauty when I have to ponder and deal with the real life reality of us humans frying the hell out of our planet, the struggles of keeping a family together when we are all fucked up on our neurotic needs and isssues - trying to keep the loan balance in check - I mean life can be kind of a drag at times when we are too caught up in the cold reality of material life. But just a bit beyond that man - it is a great place to be. The Dead shayows and even some Phish - they were kind of like my university - I saw a combined 150 of them and I could often get to that place when the band was on and I was in tune with what was going on. But now I can often just make it happen all by lonesome. It is easier for some reason when the daylight is coming to an end - that is the witching hour as I call it, although technically speaking it is suppose to be at midnight - but to me that is when the spirits call me, the beautiful Goddess I have fallen in love with throughout phases of my life and imagined her as an actual human being - she is out there and I am in love with her and I don't need her to be an actual human - beause she never was anyways - she was just my dream superimposed upon a mortal. I can't even really give words to justify the shit - but when you go there enough, it is real in its own way, even if you can't really show anyone else the place where you went - because you gotta "Ripple" your own way there - just like when you fall you fall alone, you also gotta get there by yourself. Trust me - it is a fucking beautiful place - I hope to see you there soon.