I just saw Aileen Life and Death of a Serial Killer on videotape. Once you are done watching the movie, you feel a little sick. Clearly many people are of the view that a serial killer is an evil person, a monster - and that people who kill others should be given the death penalty. But watching this woman interviewed and hearing her life story you feel she never had a chance - she was probably pretty fucked up to start, then her grandparent is beating her senseless, she is having sex with her brother, giving blowjobs at age 9, and then she is living in the freezing snow and selling her body to get by. No wonder she got to the point where she wanted to kill people. It is suggested that her first "victim" was someone who was torturing her, although her own testimony is contradicted because after a while she just wants to get killed and uses the death penalty as a form of her own suicide. And with one of the bonehead Bushes in office - in this case little bro Jeb - don't expect the governor to do shit about it. The "psychiatric" exam to determine competency is clearly a fucking joke. I am not an advocate of the death penalty and this case gives you plenty to argue about.
But what is particularly disturbing for me - is that this woman was not only schizo, but she also has borderline issues. At the beginning of an interview she is bubbling and cheerful, but moments later something sets her off and she is raging pissed. I hate to say it but that reminds me of my own mother. My Mom in my opinion is one of the fucking craziest people I have ever known. I know it says a lot about me as well, but she was completely unstable, and could go from smiling manic happy to raging pissed out for blood in moments as well. It happened many times. And I have spent a life time dealing with my own demons and self hatred as a result. No - I ain't going serial killer if you are worried - I will never kill anyone or anything, but it doesn't stop me for feeling sorry from or empathisizing with this poor woman who got injected in Florida. I have spent a lifetime dealing with my own rage, self-hatred and demons I inherited from Mom. Needless to say celebrating this woman's 80th birtdhay interests me none at all. Needless to say her repeated scorn for my wife will probably mean I may never speak to her again. It doesn't fucking matter much - the damage is done, and I will try to forgive but forgetting is not going to happen, as much as everyone in my family wants me to re-create a memory of roses. Living with my Mom was a hell all to itself, and through wonders and miracles I have reduced a lot of that hell - but it won't ever completely go away based on what I can see.
Still - watching this crazy woman on my screen - seeing how miserable and doomed she was from day one of her life, I have a lot to be thankful for her. I could have turned out like her too - and part of what she is may be a part of me - but thankfully it is not all of me.
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