(from Cold Turkey) I am trying to get in touch with this dream that keeps haunting me - you know dreams are somewhat evasive - but I'll do my best through the power of active imagination and recall to try to get in touch with this demon that has taken hold of my mind via the cruise experience. It starts with coming onto the ship. Everything about it feels wrong - it is like the smell, that deodorizer is trying to cover something up - I don't know - maybe it is the smell of raw sewage that I smelled throughout the actual ordeal, maybe it is death - the death of the environment, the living dead who roam the ship as vampires looking to pour blood into their empty souls via the alcoholic blood transfusion, but everything is screaming at me that I don't belong here and yet at the same time, here I am - and once I set foot on board I can never get off - sure it may seem just another 36 hours, just another 24 hours and 37 minutes (but who is counting) - but that is all part of the illusion - the idea that you can escape from hell is all the part of what makes it all the more hellish - because somehow you really do think you will be able to escape, and believe it but it is all in vain. Hell I am still on that hell-hole of a ship now - I can feel the room inside the house slowly starting to tilt back and forth, I can feel the faint trace of nausea in the background as the experience of returning to the scene of the crime comes back.Curiously absent in these dreams is the presence of my family - it is almost like they were never there to begin with - it is just the trick of my mind - though I can almost see my father in the form of a living corpse with skin falling off the bones with an empty smile stating - "izzzzznnn't thisssssssssss a life of lugggggzzzzzuurrry" (to live so pleasantly) as he is sitting inside a restaurant where barrels upon barrels of rotting moldy decomposing food are spilled all over the table, almost coming to life as creatures of their own, like slithering intestines swarming with maggots, creatures so completely nauseating on every level that it is hard to be in the presence of them without wanting to endlessly throw up - a throw up that cannot ever quite get the nausea out - and he is soon joined by other corpses at the table and he is hanging onto a few slime encrusted moldy coins that keep falling through his boney fingers and he is grinning mindlessly stating in a hypnotized vampiric bloodless tone as he holds them 'yewwwllll nevvvvver hafffff to work annnuuuutther dayyyyyyyy in yourrrrrrr liiifffeeeeee' and laughing as if these coins somehow or another hold the key to my future, and in holding these coins he holds that key himself.And then I walk onto the upper deck and everyone is setting themselves on fire and burning up, but they are not particularly concerned about it - as they seem to believe the very colorful beverages they hold in their hand will douse the fire and stop themselves from utter destruction - as it is a slow burn, but a burn nevertheless and although everyone seems to be smiling an imbecilic mindless bloodshot eye smile, they are quite in deed in fact slowly destroying themselves as they do it. And all along the way, a slow demonic voice is coming through the PA system saying 'last channsssssss to win BINNNNGGGOOO - it's a four thoussssssssssand dollllar jacckkkkkkpoottt and it alllll mustttt go" and he has said this every day for eternity, because this same day has repeated itself endlessly - over and over - the same day - as it will forever and there is just enough memory to realize that there is no real way anyone can win because to win means to leave and nobody - including myself - will ever escape from this neverending hellish misery. The crew keeps saying "goood morning" but underneath the bloodshot decomposing zombie eyes it is clear that in the respectful and polite friendliness there is in fact a desire to murder and eat the respected guests for dinner and they are waiting to see if you are maybe not one of them too and the only way to fool them is to smile smile SMILE - and act like you are having the TIME OF YOUR LIFE - and maybe if you smile too hard they might know, but if you don't smile at all they will realize that you are a real live HUMAN BEING - and descend upon the brains and eyeballs like thirsty vampires craving the food they have thirsted an eternity for.But if you want to leave the ship - sure - no problem - all you have to do - is find the MAGIC NUMBER - it is right in the middle of the card - the one that has the key to your jail cell quarters - but easy enough to find it - just find the one right in the middle - slightly left of center but a little to the right under the left and take that number and square it - divide it by 7 and multiply it by three and then find that magic number and it is all you need to get off the ship and then you can leave - you can really leave - they are even holding the door open for you with that creepy lifeless smile - and everyone believes it - they believe they are going to leave - you want to believe that you are going to leave but deep down - you know this mother fucking blood sucking life draining stinky death ship - the ship with that pleasant little deodorizer to cover up the blood, sewage and decomposing bodies - is the rest of eternity - because there really is no escape from that cheezy PA system - this is ETERNITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEE
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